
I am faking up 'okay'.
I am faking up my 'alhamdulillah, good'.
There is nothing in the world that is right
for me at this point of time.
All things tend to sound so good.
But actually, behind all,
there are anger, worries and embarrassment.
There isn't any news spread to people,
but what if it happens and
the whole wide world will know about it.
Isn't it a disgrace?!
My world has turn to darkness since.
Even if I have been smiling and laughing a lot,
nothing can hide the secret emotions behind them.
I don't blame anyone.
It is me who make the choices.
It is me who make the moves.
Stupid!
If anything bad is going to happen to me,
no one and even myself to forgive the deeds.
It is the utmost shits!
Pleasures are there.
Once it has clicked in the mind,
you want it, you want it.
Urgh!, sick in the brain!
I allowed it,
I wanted it,
so everytime,
when everything is done, I will go...
"What mess have I done AGAIN!"
It will not go,
"What mess have I done",
but, "What mess have I done AGAIN!"
Nothing happens in the first.
Nothing happens in the second.
However, it repeats itself.
I feel like an animal.
I will await for the dots to come,
but when I really wish for it at that moment,
it will just not appear.
Now, both are going hu-ha about it.
What the hell!
At this point of time,
I really wish to be a man.
A strong man to face the reality
and not the unseen.
I will set the date for marriage this instant.
I need to make both of us safe.
I still want to face the whole world with a true smile.
A PROUD, TRUE smile!
Could you please, before it is too late.
______________________________BING BING; nadia______________________________